j(una)

today was the first of august

and the light swam 'round me, dancing softly as the curtains would upon the frames of the open windows

the dusk poured through my frame, as I pedaled my bicycle passionately

enthralled by the motion of gliding

in the blue surrender

of night falling -

my palms graced the handlebars,

car keys jingled delightfully, bound to my pants' belt loop

and when I arrived from this small journey

I felt the cool rain of melancholy

drizzle

upon my brain -

it was time to drive,

from Aspen, back west on 82

yet, not all the way to the end of the valley -

rather, just down the way, a mere twenty minutes.

today was the first day of calm -

the first day of acceptance, 

of full, piercing realization.

today, I realized how dearly close

I am to beginning a new school year, over again.

memories of learning,

discussions with Klaus or Joseph,

it all appears to me

as this humming reverie

so sweet and joyous and radiant

I could not be more filled with excitement to begin again. 

august will allow me to begin again. 

tomorrow morning, I will focus on my art, I will make

I will organize, I will create

I will mentally align

I will become entranced by my inspirations

and form new reactions and ways of expressing

I will express

I will invent

I will express

I will begin. 

for future nostalgias

we cannot live deep in the past

for we will miss what is deeply present, surrounding us, in this realm of now

and yet we cannot live deep in the future

for those moments become stretched and distorted
like the glowing crimson R of the subway train I need to catch,
appearing as more of a D,

perhaps to prompt me :

Drive on. 

-

when our lives all end, our voices speak our last words

it is those fragments of memory

which eternalize us.

it is those photographs, those letters,

those Instagrams, those messages

those intensely clear moments of awareness

that you, my love, are alive, breathing. 

you are as you are,

not as you once were,

and not as you will once be.

simply you, now, here, quiet, breathing - still.